Here.

I'm at an interesting time in my life.  It has been quite awhile since I have felt this useless.  I constantly feel like there is something else I could/ should be doing to help my situation, but admittedly, I'm quite helpless at this point.  I haven't been able to land a job or even as much as an interview in 2 months of trying.  I sit around all day, spending my savings on rent and food (and they won't last much longer) hoping that one of the gajillion places I've applied at will call me and ask me if I'd like to work for them, at which point I will breathe a sigh of relief and respond with an enthusiastic, "Yes! Bless you! Bless you!" 

I've watched more movies recently than I ever remember having watched in such a short time span.  The same applies to playing pool and reading. I suppose this time hasn't been entirely useless.  I've been able to read the entire NT and spend a lot of time developing friendships with the new people here that I've met.  I should be writing more music, but I haven't. I've written a few songs.  Well, about 6 I guess. But I would like to have written much more, considering I don't have anything else to do and am hoping to write songs for a living. 

My sleep schedule is in a terrible predicament.  I generally fall asleep around 4am and wake up around 2pm.  This needs to change.  Hopefully, I am learning something through all of this that is important for later in my life.

I need a girlfriend.

Joy

I can't explain it. But seeing this picture brought me an unexplainable sense of joy. The happiness and contentment of children with the smallest things is one of the proofs that I find that shows that there is still hope for this world. 

" I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven.  Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

Sparrow.

- I wrote this earlier today in my other blog. It's not well written, but it meant so much that I need to put it here too. Thanks.

sparrow.

As I watched the sun rise this morning, hope was brought back from the deep crevaces of my heart. The birds sang today. For the first time in 3 months. It was sunny. and the warmest its been in a long time. 715am on the bench by the tree, i watched the sparrow sitting on the limb next to me as he preened himself and looked intently at my watchful eyes, taking him and his gift of life in while reminding myself of the hope he was bringing me. I truly believe G-D sent that little bird to me to remind me what it was like to smile. on the inside. he was not afraid of me and flew down to the edge of the bench for a closer meeting. sometimes i would like to think that he sensed within me the goodwill i felt towards him and felt no fear because of how much my inner being cherished his life at that moment. but even if he did not, his presence blessed me beyond what i can describe.

the winter does leave. from the dead trees leaves do bloom. the birds do fly back. the sun does shine again. the clouds do part. the grass can break through the snow. and the concrete. the nights do end, because the sun eventually rises. as did the Son. hope. hope.
hope.
hope.
say it again.
hope.
scream it with me.
HOPE!

praise G-D. im crying for the first time that i can remember in forever. and i think its for joy. and relief. and hope.

peace friends.

Happy-ness

Isn't it strange how the most insignificant and unimportant events can make you absolutely and completely filled with a joy that so often does not invade our lives these days? The event can be of no eternal or even longterm consequence and may not involve you at all, and yet you cannot help yourself from smiling and even laughing out loud at the top of your lungs. Thats how I feel today about the Colts beating the Patriots, with an interception on the last play to top it off like icing on a beautiful come-back cake. I realize that I'm not even that large of a football fan, and rarely watch games in the regular season- but when my team (Indianapolis) beats the team I have always hated the most in a big game, I'm ecstatic. The Colts are in the superbowl, it doesn't matter, and I feel great. Life's a strange thing. Isn't great when the strangeness takes a turn in your favor?
Bless ya.

Anger≥Sadness

-"The interior ministry says 1,930 Iraqis died last month, three-and-a-half times the number killed in January 2006"
-"Just before the New Year, the total number of US troops killed in Iraq since the March 2003 invasion passed 3,000."
-"US President George W Bush intends to reveal a new Iraq strategy within days, the BBC has learnt. The speech will reveal a plan to send more US troops to Iraq to focus on ways of bringing greater security, rather than training Iraqi forces. "


"Its central theme will be sacrifice."


I don't know what to write about this. It makes me want to weep.



"How they have airbrushed history!"
All Life was sacred once. Even human life.

SADdam's Trial by Ambush

"Supporters of war crimes trials say that they can improve healing after conflict and draw a line under the past - but like so much else in post-Saddam Iraq, his trial does not look as if it will achieve that lofty ambition. "

So- the Iraqi Appeals Court upheld the previous court's decicion to have former president Saddam Hussein sentenced to death. He is sentenced to die by hanging within the next 30 days. The United States applauded this result as a clear sign of the progress of freedom and justice in the former state of Iraq... And yet, Human Rights Watch has expressly condemned the proceedings of the entire trial, while both India and the European Union have urged the repealing of the death sentence for a more humane verdict on grounds of the execution's threat to stability and peace.


I never understood why it was we think that killing people solves things. Peace and Justice are obviously brought by condemning and sentencing to death the wrong while rewarding the right.... right? If you are the victor perhaps. The right is always what the winner says is right. The wrong is what the losers get... what they deserve.... right? War crime trials in the essence of Nuremberg are obviously far more advanced and better thought out than the Truth and Reconcilation Committee of the post-apartheid South Africa's attempt at justice...

Whatever happened to compassion and reconciliation and forgiveness and justice and peace and love and hope and joy and empathy and humanity? Ubuntu

I love the Empire's culture. It just makes sense. So do it. Its what feels right*.

Amerika, fuck yeah.



[*right is to be determined and judged by the victor, henceforth America the Strong shall judge right and wrong with an iron fist with the clarity of black and white. Therefore, if what you are doing feels right but is not right*, you and everything about you are wrong. Thank you.]

Merry Christmas

The Messiah is come to Earth this day. .









Salaam my friends.